The 5 Dumbest Items from My Baby Registry

Alexander and Nathan were my first pregnancy, and prior to having them, I knew little about babies and even less about having multiples. ­­So I went off Pinterest suggestions and store checklists when it was time to do my baby registry. Some things I registered for are great gifts… for people with one baby. And some, I learned, were ultimately unsuitable for our two-baby household – or just useless for any new mom in general, in some cases. Here are 5 things I actually registered for that I look back on and realize were really stupid choices for my twins.

  1. A Diaper Genie.

This is a registry standard. I’ve bought a few Diaper Genies for friends myself, and honestly, this would be a great thing to have in my house – if I had one baby. But I have two little boys who seem to be a constant wellspring of bodily fluids out of every orifice. Two butts and two bladders that never seem to rest. It honestly seems like they are never not wet – the minute I change them, that telltale yellow stripe turns to blue pretty much instantly. When I registered for the Diaper Genie, I could not possibly have fathomed the amount of dirty diapers that we would produce on a daily basis. The Diaper Genie was simply not man enough to withstand the seemingly endless supply of diapers I fed it. I literally had to empty it every single day, and I’m pretty sure that defeats the entire purpose of owning one. And then I broke it. Yes – I am unashamed to admit that in a futile attempt to empty the Diaper Genie less often, I stuffed so many diapers in it that it broke. The Diaper Genie was then replaced with a lidded 13-gallon trash can. Unattractive? Exceptionally. But much more realistic for our cartoonish level of output.

  1. A “Weeblock” urine guard.

This was kind of a giggle, “I wonder if anyone will actually buy this but I bet I could use it!” register, but regardless, it was dumb. It’s supposed to protect you from getting peed on when you’re changing your boy’s diaper, but this kind of thing was just delaying the inevitable. When you have twin boys, you’re going to get peed on. Often. So often, that getting peed on is no longer bothersome. It becomes as normal as getting bumped on a crowded elevator or being pocket dialed by a friend. It just happens sometimes. Oh well! Oopsie! The day I found myself grinning at my baby boy, saying “Uh-oh! You got Mommy!” as he sprayed me the moment I opened his diaper was the day I realized I’d never needed a Weeblock. I’d only needed to learn how to accept all of the gross things I was going to experience as a mom.

  1. A $200 changing table.

I knew nobody would buy this but I held out hope that I’d have some old great aunt I never spoke to come out of the woodwork to buy me something crazy expensive and utterly useless. Thankfully, nobody wasted their money on this. We change the babies everywhere. On the couch. On the bed. On their play mat on the floor. We did get an inexpensive changing pad to put on their dresser, but even that gets almost none of the mileage we anticipated. I would have felt like a complete idiot if I actually had a $200 changing table while I changed their diapers half asleep at the foot of the bed at 2 AM. Almost as dumb as I feel chucking their diapers in a big plastic trash can while their fancy Diaper Genie sits sad and abandoned in a corner.

  1. A $40 laundry hamper.

This is another dumb thing I registered for that thankfully nobody bought me. For some reason, I thought they just had to have this cute little navy blue cloth laundry hamper to match the navy blue décor in their bedroom. In real life, their laundry basket is the washing machine. One load ends and another begins. Remember how I called the twins an endless wellspring of bodily fluids? Yeah, that wellspring goes everywhere. If it touches their person, it’s getting covered in drool, spit-up, urine, or the aftermath of the latest diaper blowout. Mom and Dad’s laundry gets kicked to the side as load after load after load of baby laundry runs all day long. So yeah, that adorable $40 laundry hamper would have sat next to the Diaper Genie, crying together, wondering what they did to end up so lovely but neglected in a twin household.

  1. A $250 glider with ottoman.

Before my babies were born, I had these sweet, blissful daydreams of me in my babies’ nursery, in our beautiful, perfectly coordinated glider with matching ottoman, as I gazed at my baby’s perfect little face and rocked him to sleep. I was so into this daydream that I actually registered for this item with a straight face. Not pictured in this fantasy? My other baby, carefully plotting, calculating the exact moment I was distracted with his brother to wake up screaming. And in an already small room with two cribs and three dressers, where exactly was this giant extra piece of furniture supposed to fit? Nobody bought this either. I wonder why?

Now, I did get lots of useful gifts that I’m super glad I registered for. I still haven’t had to buy diapers or wipes, and we’re still using all the gift cards we got, but looking back at my registry, I shake my head at my naivete. Moms, did you register for anything useless for your first baby?  Comment below and share!

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