I get approached every time I go anywhere with Alex and Nathan. I’m pretty introverted, so talking to strangers isn’t my favorite thing ever, but I get it. Twins are rare, interesting, and fun. When you go run errands for the day, you don’t expect to see two identical (and pretty darn cute) babies being pushed around in a Buick-sized double stroller. So I get it. However, I’ve noticed a pattern since I started taking them out and seen a lot of moms agree: everyone says the Exact. Same. Thing. For your consideration, here is a list of things I hear EVERY SINGLE DAY since I started taking Nathan and Alex out. Twin moms, feel free to add to this list.
1. “Double trouble!”
You know how when something doesn’t scan at the checkout line, every person thinks they’re being creative when they say, “It must be free!” Or when the waiter asks how their food was and they point to the clean plate and say “I hated it!” This is the same as seeing twins and saying double trouble. You are the 20th person to say double trouble to me today, and it’s only 10 AM. Please don’t say double trouble. Say anything but double trouble. If you really have to, say “double blessed” or “double the love” or something like that.
2. “Are they twins?”
I’m good at answering this politely with a smile and a “yes ma’am/sir,” but honestly. Look at them. They have the same face, they are the same size, they are wearing the same outfit. They’re either twins or a twisted science experiment where I cloned a baby to test out my own limits as a human being.
3. “Are they identical? I can’t tell them apart.”
If you can’t tell them apart, that’s pretty much a telltale sign they’re identical. Now, this one, I’ll cut some slack on, because there a plenty of fraternal twins that look just alike. However, if I tell you they’re identical, here’s some knowledge I always have to drop when I get the next two questions:
4. “Are they both boys?”
Since they share the same DNA, identical twins only come in two flavors: boy/boy and girl/girl. There is no such thing as identical boy/girl twins. I know you’re about to tell me that actually, your cousin’s friend’s husband’s sister has identical boy/girl twins. I’m just going by what my doctor, and books, and pretty much every resource on twins says.
5. “Do twins run in your family?”
Identical twins don’t run in families. They are a random fluke that can happen to anyone. No one is safe. NO. ONE. IS. SAFE. However, if you have a set of identical twins, you’re way less likely to have another set of twins than a fraternal twin mom, so high five! Unless having a house full of twins is your dream life, in which case, sorry ‘bout it.
6. “Which one is the bad twin?”
They’re 8 months old. How is there an evil twin at 8 months? They’re babies. They cry when they’re hungry or tired. They’re pissed that they’re teething. There is no bad twin. They literally do not know how to be bad yet. And just because one of them isn’t smiling at you doesn’t mean he’s the mean twin. There’s a 90% chance he just woke up in a strange place with a stranger making a bunch of noise over him. I promise, he’s sweet. But this would be an intense situation for anyone.
7. “How do you tell them apart?”
The official answer is “Alexander is bigger.” But honestly, half the time, I can’t. We mix them up all the time. You should hear how many times a day James and I ask each other “Which baby is this? Who do I have right now?”
8. “You’ve sure got your hands full!”
This is the same as double trouble. Think of something else to say. Someone else just told me I had my hands full 38 seconds ago. It’s totally cool if you just tell me they’re cute and twins are cool and move on. You don’t need to say this.
9. “Were they conceived naturally or did you do IVF?”
OMG. NONE OF YOUR BUSINESS. WHY WOULD YOU ASK A STRANGER THAT.
10. “Is it hard? I bet it’s hard.”
Well, one just had a blowout in the middle of this store, one is screaming and the only thing that will appease him is if I let him chew my finger, I really have to use the bathroom but the double stroller won’t fit in the stall, they take turns waking up at night, they’ve started crawling in opposite directions and they both love to chew electrical cords, but nah. It’s a breeze! Don’t I look so fresh and rested to you?
11. “I always wanted twins.”
Cool, that makes one of us. No shade, I love both of my babies with all that I have, but I did not get on my knees and ask God for two babies. I asked for one. He saw fit to give me two, so I’ll take it and do my best, but…I didn’t. For the record, one of those “I always wanted twins” people is my own mother, who prayed for twin boys. She loves to tell people “I prayed for them and got them! I just had to wait a while!” Thanks Mom. ??
Twin moms, leave your comments! What do you hear all the time? Are you sweet or sassy?